It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about much of anything, something my mom has brought up a few times over the last couple of weeks. I think the biggest part of it was that I was dealing with back to back things that set me back A LOT with regards to my pole plans. But more than that, I’ve been trying to find my feet and figure out exactly what I’m doing. I was so caught up in planning for my pole competitions that everything else was just sort of left in limbo and I had to deal with that.
I only blogged until around halfway through May and the second half was quite eventful. I had my rehearsal for the South African National Pole Trix competition where I felt a kind of twinge in my leg the next day (Friday) but I just brushed it off and stretched through it. Rehearsals were amazing and I felt so confident. Then came the Monday before comp. Running through my routine I got to a move that never bothers me:
As soon as I straightened my leg up and pointed my toes I felt a pop in my muscle followed by bad pain. My coach suggested that I rest the whole week leading up to comp and I did. By Sunday it felt marginally better but only when I wasn’t using it, and I was about to use it.
My routines were not my best. They looked sloppy because pointing toes became a very painful endeavor and by the second routine, when the move that started it all came around, my leg was screwed. I walked off stage and had to sit down immediately because standing was too painful.
I didn’t do as well as I had hoped, Silvers for both of my routines, but I understood why. I knew I hadn’t done my best, I did still perform my heart out despite the pain and managed to nab the sash for Miss Congeniality 😀
Our studio also won the Most Dedicated award (which means we had the most diverse entries and multiple entries per competitor) and we won the cup for Studio of the Year, as we had the highest combined average scores over the solo division (my score was one of the 3 that won us the cup)
I hit a bit of a lull afterwards though, due to coming off of the competition high and being injured. I ended up having to go for physio a few times and it turned out that I had torn my quad and competed with it anyway. Luckily it was just a minor tear and I was able to go back 3 weeks later.
In those two weeks at the end of May I managed to break my laptop and cellphone so I had to pay for repairs on those in addition to all the competition costs i.e costumes, entry fees, travel costs and the doctors appointments afterwards, plus an amazing ladies night out… let’s just say I ended up a broke ass bitch in May.
On the plus side I read Six of Crows and had an amazing time out with my girls, so although it was a challenging month it ended on a good note. 
I was focused mainly on gearing up for the National Championships so that I could get national colors for pole dancing. My leg healed up pretty well but I was careful with it as the doctor warned me that if I hurt it again it would tear completely. We started choreographing a routine for August and started running it almost immediately. Around this time winter break started as well so I was on holiday from work 😀 things were definitely looking up.
A part of me was still very much lost, I never fully decided what I wanted to do after school, for the most part I still haven’t. The things that fill me with passion aren’t viable jobs at the moment (writing and pole dancing) and so I work as a vocal coach at a local high school. I love singing, don’t get me wrong, and I love teaching people to sing. But I never pictured myself staying in the small town I grew up in.
At the start of the month I went to a friend’s birthday party/farewell. She was headed off to Thailand for 6 months to teach English and she had gone to the USA the previous year to work at summer camps. So during the night the conversation came up where she asked me if I had ever considered doing anything similar. I told her that I had considered au pairing straight out of high school but I hadn’t felt ready. At that stage I could barely drive and I hadn’t spent a ton of time working with children. She gave the whole “travel and see the world. Adventure waits and you’re only young once.” kind of speech and it stuck with me.
That night I went home feeling very unfulfilled. Yes, I was content with my life. I had things that made me happy and I had a good job, I had made some new friends finally after battling for ages after all my friends went off to college. Things were just shaping up for me. But I realized that I was just comfortable. I was stagnant. Nothing was going to change for me if I stayed. I would live in that town my whole life, maybe if I was lucky meet someone or change my mind about someone I knew and get married. And I would be stuck here.
I had a dream/nightmare where all this played through my head and I recalled all the conversations that I had had with my college friends every time they were back in town. They constantly ragged on the place, talking about how happy they were that they had gotten out, how shitty the town was and how sorry they felt for the people left behind. Obviously it never occurred to them that I was one of those people.
I woke up the next morning and my mom came into my room as I was waking up and I remember feeling such a strong sense of surety, I just sat up in bed and said straight out “I’m going to America next year. I’m going to au pair”
She seemed really happy about that and we started discussing it in depth, planning everything that I would have to get together.
Comp training was going well and we were gearing up for a local performance but on the 28th I was running through my routine in preparation for the performance on the 30th and I was too low in my Cross Ankle Release so I pushed up into a handstand and felt something in my shoulder shift.
My coach rushed over to me where I lay on the floor and told me to straighten my arm. As soon as I did I heard this terrible crunching noise and extreme weakness in my right arm. I lay there on my back for a few minutes, unable to move or lift my arm.
We rushed to the doctor and managed to make it before the office closed. He urged me to come back the next morning for X-Rays. I went back and the verdict was in. I had partially dislocated my shoulder and had micro-tears in my rotator cuff as well as some stretched ligaments. 10 Days in a sling and a minimum of 3 weeks without pole or exercising the arm. The pain was excruciating and I was so mad at myself for making such a stupid mistake.
Here we are 😛 almost all caught up. I’ve been injured for almost this whole month which was one of the most frustrating experiences I have ever had. After going to pole 4x a week, in competition mode I have shifted to being idle and I hate it. Despite what I had hoped my injury was too severe for me to train this month which means there’s no way I will have two routines ready for next month’s Championships. I can barely twist my arm back to loosen my bra, so I think it’s safe to say that I won’t be competing this year.
Initially it filled me with dread and I was very upset but since I’ve been home and on holiday, unable to pole, I’ve realized that I had put myself under too much pressure. I hadn’t realized how stressed I was about the competition and gearing up for it until that stress was finally gone. I didn’t feel ready before the injury and my solution had been to overtrain. My injury was my body’s only way of telling me to slow down after I had ignored all the other signs.
I go back to pole next Monday and I have to ease into it, after about a whole month off it is not going to be easy, and doing it with decreased mobility, weakness and pain is going to make it even harder but I’m glad to be going back. We have a concert in September here in town based around Disney/other fairy tales and my character is Anastasia. She is my favorite and this is something that I am looking forward to immensely.
And yes, I will be dyeing my hair for it. I’ve been in the mood for a change and considering I don’t want to cut my hair in the near future I figured color is the way to go 🙂
For now I am getting all my things sorted so that I can apply for the au pair program, I’ve done my learner’s again and renewed my passport. Next Saturday I am driving through to Potchefstroom for a seminar with the head of the program and all I need to do is go for my driver’s.
I’ve also started on a new WIP and I’ve just passed 10 000 words on it. It’s a fairy tale retelling of sorts but I don’t focus on a particular tale, rather I am writing a new story with nods to the fairy tales we all know and love. Very excited about that and eager to delve deeper into it.
That’s all I have now and I apologize for the length but two months is a long time. I hope that you all have had a lovely couple of months and that things are going well with all of you. Do any of you have things that are coming up that excite you? Have any of you made any big decisions lately? Tell me in the comments below 🙂
Pages & Poles 